The darkness in me

Can porn addiction be a gift to your life?
Part 2: The darkness in me

Disclaimer: In the following text, you will find a process which is only suitable for mentally healthy persons. If you follow the process, you will do so on your own risk. If you are unsure about how this will affect you or have suicidal or traumatic issues, please seek professional help before you start. Always take care of your physical, psychological and mental health.

Welcome back, this is the second part of
Can porn addiction be a gift in your life?

Part one is here, in which we were looking at the tough way down, down into an addiction which will hold its grip tight. Today we going to take a look at what drives this darkness. What are the needs which were not met? What beliefs surfaced from that. Are you deemed forever?

And in the upcoming Part 3: The rise of a man, we will take a look at these topics: Is it possible to, and how can you escape this vicious circle? How can this bastard of addiction be any good for you, to power your striving towards a better life? Why are you going to excel what you could have been before the addiction?

So ready? Let’ dive into it.

We talked about this darkness already, colours faded and life got dull. You lost the spark, that fire inside. You still feel something, but besides the poisoned rescue pills in the form of even more porn, your feelings are mostly dark and depressive. You learned to welcome profound sadness, which you cannot dissolve because you got no one to lean on. You feel anger quite often, and it changed your behaviour towards the people you once loved or respected. In this isolation, you believe that the next f*****g porn clip is the only friend and relief you have left.

And now watch out.

Porn is not that. Porn itself is just what it is. It never offered friendship or relief from your emotions. You created that situation, in which you thought this would be true. You gave away your power, your conscious manhood to that addiction. Yes, my friend, it is this simple. 

Do not be ashamed about this. Realise and accept the fact that it is as it is. And most importantly, that it was you who opened that door to invite this addiction into your life.

Fuck that !“, you might think. Yeah! Fuck that, go and scream a bit. Let go of some pressure. And you are right, you are now in this is a miserable situation. So I invite you to take a moment, go into your cellar a nearby forest or any place where you can scream that anger out of your lungs. Go for it!

Just do not hurt yourself or others! Go. Permit yourself to accept the fact that it was you who got you there. Allow yourself to express that anger before we can continue. And when you are done, come back and read the rest. Do not deceive yourself. Take responsibility. You won’t cheat on me, that is all about you. If you are not sure, take a short look into a mirror. I bet you do not want to argue any longer.

So do, what you got to do, express what needs to be revealed for a few minutes.
And then come back.  

Only continue after you expressed the emotion!

Good to have you back. I suspect that stirred up a few emotions. And now as they are hopefully expressed, you can take a more in-depth look of where you are. Do not judge this process, your feelings or your perceptions of yourself. Just observe, feel and take a good look around.

You are granted a short moment before the darkness will spread out again, like a thick fog covering a bog.

Close your eyes for a moment if you want. Observe what wants to reveal itself. And it will come towards you. You don’t have to do anything. Just allow yourself to perceive.

It might be a form of energy in Motion, a so-called Emotion – a Picture of the past. Just dare to welcome it for a moment, you can let it go anytime. Dare to dip your toe into this dark matter and perceive what is.

Maybe there is a belief attached to that. A belief you took on at this moment. Be aware. Do not judge or do anything with it.

Now take a step back, change your perspective, by feeling your physical body, your feet and your hands. Move them a bit. Open your eyes and get back into this moment.

That is your darkness. And in this darkness, you are holding onto a belief. If you look at this belief and work on it, you will find the need which was not met. The answer to the question: What was missing? 

Because of that, the unmet need left a hole inside. A void which you filled with what seemed the right choice. There is nothing to be ashamed of. A decision is only a decision. It is not good nor bad. It just would be sad if you would stick with a decision that did not work in your favour, over and over again.

Now, you might ask is there a way out?

Yes, there is. And it is already in you. It won’t be easy to achieve but worth every effort.

I will disclose, even more. A way not only to bring healing to this wound, no, but I will also as well show you a profound way to excel your goals and become the man you were determined to be.

Interested? So stay tuned in for Part 3

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Hug Jörg

Thank you for the Picture: Mati (darkened)

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