Terror in my head – Negative Emotions do prevent self-love.

Terror in my head – Negative Emotions do prevent self-love.

Man, how much pressure can you withstand? In your job or relationship, regarding your daily schedule, all the appointments, responsibilities and expectations which you suspect out there. 

Sometimes it is just too much to endure. I am in such a situation right now. I lost the overview, the grand perspective. I only focus on the next few hours to get my workload done. It is hard to concentrate, and I do not feel myself. No time to sit down, relax or meditate. To get a sense of what is happening inside. But there are times like that, where I have to push through. Especially if you are a man like me secretly seeking for the love of others, then pain and pressure is something you might be used to as well.

Does that sound familiar to you? I am sure a lot of you have experienced such a moment already, some even regularly.

When the struggle is over, I find myself falling into a big void which leads to fap the hell out of my brain. Seeking for appreciation or just another feelgood boost. A split-second later, I would feel miserable. Sometimes even guilty or shameful. My life has become the void I did not feel growing inside under that external pressure.

Damn it, back to day zero? How did this happen?

Not for me, dear fellow men. I did avoid that kind of reset today. And I will tell you how.

With mindfulness (last Blog Post), I managed to step in between cause and the effect. During this small gap, I managed to check for my status. How do I feel emotionally? Physically? How is my energy level?

I got a glimpse which looked like that:

Angry, tired and wrecked, 10 % Energy

That moment I knew, man you got to do something. You got to take care of yourself. I knew there would be nearly no time to fix it on the quick run. But I do regularly attend a men’s group. And yesterday I already was looking forward to it. 

As we have a strong men’s group with a lot of initiated men who are excellent facilitators, I knew I would get my chance to work on this. I decided to dive deep into my emotions. I did some anger work, reflections of the shadows which were driving my behaviours and some self-love work by appreciating the power I have brought with me to withstand life’s wild storm which I am in right now.

That ended in a ride back home with total calmness inside, a proud feeling of having expressed my anger healthily and a ton of self-love for being a centred man. The next day I felt my energy level to be 80%, my throat a bit sore, but my mind very calm, focused and with a much broader perspective. At work, I did speak up with clarity; I showed leadership from a whole heart.

The void got filled with a ton of power, self-love and joy. 

How are you going to fill that void and avoid the traps of porn in life?

Hugs from my heart


The picture is from Geralt. Thank you 🙂

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