Vicious Rage vs. Healthy Anger

“Darkness ain’t feasible when you are bringing light to your darker side.”

Continuing from my last rage blog post, we will today take a more in-depth look into rage and anger.

As men, we seldom dare to express anger. It is just not respectable to show your fury or even annoyance publicly. People will raise eyebrows, turn away or avoid you in general. You are not welcome as long as anger accompanies you.

No matter what age we look at, we can see the impact of social expectations everywhere. In Kindergarten, young boys are not allowed to rebel, to fight or argue. Shouting, screaming or repeated denying with an adult will not be tolerated. Neither by the parents nor by the bystanders watching the dispute. What a start into a young life. Early on, we learn to: “Keep quiet, follow the order, do not lose control over the expected attitude.” The same pattern accompanies us in schools, at our workplaces or any other social surrounding. 

We suppress our bad feelings and avoid any argument. Did that anger disappear or dissolve? No, we swallowed and buried it deep inside. It starts building up, more and more.

It gets darker and darker, and our feelings will accommodate in the same way. What will cheer us up again? – Numbing our senses with a quick fix! For example, porn, social media or consumption. We want to redefine our inner world by changing the perception of other.s about us by looking for external rewards. But that will work neither in favour of us.

Back to the proscription of anger:

I can see it even in men’s groups – places where a “safe container” get set up for the man to express his anger. Usually, this works rather well. And still, more and more often, I see men freeze-up. Unable to open the lid of their stuffed down anger box. The pressure is too high. Their system shuts down.

So for some, that means that despite a safe container, they do not feel comfortable to bring out and express their anger. These men struggle, they are caught up in a self-repeating pattern and therefore have no chance to step into their warrior archetype to defend their boundaries. Until the so long stuffed down anger will turn into rage, so-called violent anger.

What can you do to get a grip on anger management?

6 Steps to healthy anger:

1) Raise awareness on anger feelings inside yourself. Activate your anger scanner.

2) Acknowledge any anger feeling which is revealing itself to you as soon as you perceive it. Trust that feeling, as it is trying to inform you about an inner alarm which got triggered. Do not get carried away by the feeling at this moment. Contain it for a few split seconds.

3) Before you safely address that anger, often you first need space and time. So take a step back. Maybe inform your “opponent” that you need a moment.

4) Check this simple question:
 “When my anger showed up, which need was not met?”
Check layer for layer and go as deep as possible. 

5) When you found the need which has not been met, put it in context to the trigger-situation. “Ask yourself what is true about this situation?”

6) You will then know how to address your “anger” reasonably.

Remark: It is not about being right or wrong. It is about standing your ground for the values about which you care. 

Remark: Wording is as vital as the distinction of facts, own emotions and not met needs. Speak of yourself!

“If you want others to respect your boundaries, respect your feelings first.”

Expressing anger in a healthy way will help you grow as a person. Your warrior-archetype will get strengthened and grounds you. You will enhance your lover archetype as well because you practise self-love and connection to others.

Once you mastered this, you did not only found a valve to prevent high pressure, but you also found a way to step in between the cause and effect context.

Manage and address your anger feelings before they turn into rage. Because rage is going to harm you before and others when it bursts out.

Hug Jörg

Thank you for the Pictures:
Bild von lisa runnels und André auf Pixabay

Emotional Rage – Get to know your primate you

Have you ever encountered a situation in which you felt a pure primary instinct? A moment in which a massive wave of anger or outrage let to a reaction which you would not have been able to predict a split second before?

A minute ago, everything still seemed to be under control. You might have been in a discussion or argument while feeling confident that your opinions are reasonable. But now, this tiny split second later, your system has been altered, your blood is rushing through your veins. You are on edge. Even though you feel hyper fucking alive, your focus narrowed down to a tiny spotlight. You do not perceive or overlook any of your reactions or feelings. You kind of run on an outrageous Autopilot who is going to do whatever it takes.

And you know it as well “whatever it takes” is not going to be a friendly negotiation or compromise. It might not even collaborate with the usual conscious part. This beast mode is destructive in more than one way.

After the storm passed by, you realize that someone might have called you a short-tempered person, an aggressor, a predator or just insane.

“But hell no, that wasn’t me.”

And you will ask yourself what just happened? You might argue that this person triggered you, pushed the wrong buttons.

Guess who ran the system? It was your chimp. The savage and fierce part of you that you try to hide by all these social morals you took on. But if the right buttons are pressed, it is hard to contain him.

Then you face another problem. In our environment, we do not accept any savage behaviours. Especially if you are a male person, then you got yourself in deep trouble.

A lot of men are in deep pain. We hide our primate self as it is not welcome. We suppress it, contain our feelings and swallow them. We miss a natural valve to let the pressure go. as a result, we get sick in some way. We get depressed, and we search for other things outside of ourselves to cheer us up again. We find pleasure by numbing the feelings inside with a lot of outside distractions: eating, media consumption and porn, of course. As it won’t last long, and the next trigger will come along soon, we will consume even more. And here we go welcome to the hamster wheel of addictions.

Well good news first: Your Chimp is your friend, and he is your ally in life. He is there for a reason and plays a much more full keyboard of emotions than “you” do. He is the wild part, the one who breaks out in laughter until your belly hurts. He is the one who puts yourself in protection mode when trouble is coming along. He is the one who will search for the adrenalin rush when you go crazy wild. Yes, he is this part which will let you feel alive. 

So do you still want to shut him down?

Do you want to numb yourself to feel artificial short term happiness instead?

No! You want to get along with your ally. He is the one best friend you have. And it won’t make him happy to only sit in the quiet, dark rotten subconscious cellar you prepared for him. You will have to let him out and only contain him if needed. With patience, he will slowly learn to trust you again.


So get to know each other. Do not suppress half of yourself any longer, and your life will get much more colourful.

Soon we will let you know more about how to befriend again with your wild side. Stay tuned on

wild hugs Jörg

Thank you for the great picture Weddingpro48

English speaking OGH Groups available

Today we mark a new milestone for the project. The Open Green Heart is now open for English speaking groups. We invite every person to join or build up their own group.
The manual is translated and available for download
Check it out. It is simple, proven and can be your way out of addiction.
And the best part of it, it is still absolutely free of charge! You only got to have the willpower to start.
I wish all the upcoming OGH groups lots of confidence and success in their journeys.
Hug Jörg

Picture Info: Thank you the Picture

Something dark arises

Something lurks around the corner…
The next project is near. I am so excited. Besides opening the open green heart project to a wider audience I am already working on the next thing.

I won’t tell you much so far. I am just going to share that something big is coming, it is dark. Very dark! It will be adventures and it is going to focus on your deepest male archetypes.

I will keep you updated.

Picture Info: Copyright Jörg Calvis

News – We are growing, Site News, Coaching

The Open Green Heart keeps growing. 2 men from, where I am active as well, have successfully joined the group a month ago. The success of our group members is unbelievable. We have reached over 150 days already!!! and the new men already over 30 days.

The site has received a new Blog, where we continuously add interesting news, updates and eye-opening articles about the topics of addiction, porn and manhood.

And I am very proud to tell you that I do offer proven and powerful coaching support for you to help you fight your porn addiction. You are sick of all these resets, relapses, the shame and your loss of self-confidence? You develop social anxieties, you realize that porn interferes your partnership in a bad way. Do not let this addiction run your life. Get the support you deserve and feel the empowerment and energy you can grant yourself.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

P.s. Further exciting news coming up!

Have a great weekend.

Hug Jörg

Terror in my head – Negative Emotions do prevent self-love.

Terror in my head – Negative Emotions do prevent self-love.

Man, how much pressure can you withstand? In your job or relationship, regarding your daily schedule, all the appointments, responsibilities and expectations which you suspect out there. 

Sometimes it is just too much to endure. I am in such a situation right now. I lost the overview, the grand perspective. I only focus on the next few hours to get my workload done. It is hard to concentrate, and I do not feel myself. No time to sit down, relax or meditate. To get a sense of what is happening inside. But there are times like that, where I have to push through. Especially if you are a man like me secretly seeking for the love of others, then pain and pressure is something you might be used to as well.

Does that sound familiar to you? I am sure a lot of you have experienced such a moment already, some even regularly.

When the struggle is over, I find myself falling into a big void which leads to fap the hell out of my brain. Seeking for appreciation or just another feelgood boost. A split-second later, I would feel miserable. Sometimes even guilty or shameful. My life has become the void I did not feel growing inside under that external pressure.

Damn it, back to day zero? How did this happen?

Not for me, dear fellow men. I did avoid that kind of reset today. And I will tell you how.

With mindfulness (last Blog Post), I managed to step in between cause and the effect. During this small gap, I managed to check for my status. How do I feel emotionally? Physically? How is my energy level?

I got a glimpse which looked like that:

Angry, tired and wrecked, 10 % Energy

That moment I knew, man you got to do something. You got to take care of yourself. I knew there would be nearly no time to fix it on the quick run. But I do regularly attend a men’s group. And yesterday I already was looking forward to it. 

As we have a strong men’s group with a lot of initiated men who are excellent facilitators, I knew I would get my chance to work on this. I decided to dive deep into my emotions. I did some anger work, reflections of the shadows which were driving my behaviours and some self-love work by appreciating the power I have brought with me to withstand life’s wild storm which I am in right now.

That ended in a ride back home with total calmness inside, a proud feeling of having expressed my anger healthily and a ton of self-love for being a centred man. The next day I felt my energy level to be 80%, my throat a bit sore, but my mind very calm, focused and with a much broader perspective. At work, I did speak up with clarity; I showed leadership from a whole heart.

The void got filled with a ton of power, self-love and joy. 

How are you going to fill that void and avoid the traps of porn in life?

Hugs from my heart


The picture is from Geralt. Thank you 🙂

Mindfullness your key to freedom

Well, in theory, we know the way, we have the strength to fight through it, maybe we even know the tools which we need to succeed.

So we jump into the darkness, we face and fight the dragon — the great battle for freedom of addiction. We give everything we have before we realise that this battle cannot be won in a single night. Now we see it will go on forever. And we jumped in without being prepared for such a long battle. We neither were ready before we decided to jump into this addiction in the first place.

So we soon need a pause. A pause of fighting our addiction. Just a bit, and before we realised what was happening. We have lost.

And if that would not be enough, we start to bash ourselves, and we take on new beliefs. Believes that we were never good enough, never will make it or that fighting it is useless in the first place.

A classic lose-lose situation.

And when we show up for the next battle, we will be even less convinced to have the slightest chance.

The end!

Or isn’t it? What if we could win this battle? What would be needed to have a more comprehensive perspective? To be more aware, to not let the addiction run our lives.

One of the golden keys to success here is mindfulness.

A simple tool, that can be trained like a muscle. And believe me, you will need this muscle to face your dragon.

Mindfulness will allow you to save energy where you do not want to spend it and will help you to focus on what is essential.

It will help you to raise your awareness early enough to feel the addiction urges lurking upon you. That will give you time to make a decision. One that is appropriate for that situation. It will not drain you; it will empower you and let you feel more confident. New beliefs appear, which will establish a much more positive anchor in your life.

So if you are sick of energy-draining attempts, join us in the “Open Green Heart Group” or choose a personal 1 to 1 coaching with Jörg Calvis.

Men I wish you a mindful journey, may the addiction empower you to find an even deeper connection to vibrant and healthy sexuality.

A hug from my open heart


The picture is from Kellepics. Thank you for that beautiful work!

Congratulations! First Group did hit 90+ days

Well, that is a great success. Our first group managed to hit the magical 90-day barrier. But more than that as a mixed addiction group, we hit the target together. We had men who were suffering from porn addiction, media addiction and overweight. Some men had multiple goals. Every single man reached at least 1 of their goals. Most of them did reach all of their goals.
Just imagine that. A man who suffered from a massive porn addiction did manage with this group to stay more than 90 days without porn consumption, masturbation and orgasm. Hey disclosed to us that he now feels much more clear-headed and for the first time of his life free.
But not all always went good. Some men did not reach all of their goals or had reset. What does that mean? Some men managed to achieve, let’s say weight loss and spent the whole time without having to masturbate. But they couldn’t stay all the time without porn.
For them, that was already a great success. But this group did achieve even more. Without the concept of guilt and shame, they could admit towards the group that they had resets regarding porn. Which was probably the first time they could share that they had a “weak” moment. We do accept that and encourage them to share and own this experience. Can you imagine how good it feels to be welcome with that, to encounter no judgement?
But even more: Most of these men did manage to fight their addictions those 90 days and keep going for more. That means they achieved a considerable amount of addiction-free days and had much less resets than before.

This program does not offer to heal you from addiction. It does empower yourself to be your own medicine and encourages you to feel and see who you are, now.

The Picture is from Klimkin. Thank you! Beautiful depth of field.

First Group did hit 60 days

Wow, what a great success. Our first group just hit the 60-day milestone.

But let me begin from the start. After setting up the group core frame they had a video conference to connect and deepen their container. Each of the 5 men was setting their individual goals and shared what it would mean to them reaching it.

This all leads to a very motivating start for this group. It took some time to get to know the basic tools and the importance of why to stick to it. For some group members, it was hard to trust in the simplicity of these tools. But today’s results prove that once you let go of your prejudices and start to trust real transformation can happen.

Transformation? Yes. The idea behind our basic working tools is to empower ourselves by separating the negative energy of the addiction and transform them with the support of your group into a self-empowering action.

Just imagine: Everytime an urge for addiction comes up – you can turn this energy into something good.

So 60 days of learning, growing and empowering do lay behind us. That means we managed 66% of our journey already. Each day we went through our addiction to be one step closer to our first goal.

The Open Green Heart Project

Welcome to

In a short while, we will host our open green heart Project. This will be the first project on

A group tool you can use to face your addiction. Our goal is to support each other without judgements and share with no shame or guilt by lovingly looking at how we show up with our addiction.

Willkommen auf

In Kürze werden wir uns Projekt der offenen grünen Herzen starten. Dies wird das Erste von hoffentlich vielen Projekten auf sein.

Hierbei handelt es sich um ein Gruppen Werkzeug zur Suchtbekämpfung. Unser Ziel ist es uns gegenseitig urteilsfrei zu unterstützen und somit ohne Scham und Schuld uns mitteilen zu können. Dies erlaubt und einen liebevollen Blick auf den Menschen der wir mit unserer Sucht sind.